Subject of the upcoming inter-genre motion picture Boo 2! A Madea Halloween, the character of Madea is a multi-million dollar idea that just keeps growing in popularity. However, some dramatic new information has been revealed that could permanently alter your perception of the franchise: Madea is actually a male giraffe calf dressed up as an enormous middle-aged grumpy black woman who has a penchant for corporal punishment but a heart of gold.
Gasps of “Nuh-Uh” and “No Way” were heard when this news first broke. Yes, though it may seem incredible, Madea is not an actual woman, and is not played by a female actor. “But she seems so real!” blurted one moviegoer. “I thought she was just like my grandma,” said another.
That Madea is played by a male giraffe calf explains her extraordinary height, listed as 6’5″. It is well known that newborn giraffe calves are approximately 6 feet tall.
However, Madea is no male giraffe calf drag queen. She is not dressed up for pageantry or prizes. She wears what is best described as a “muumuu,” a large shapeless caftan-like dress; she has silver hair, oversized spectacles, and not-too-dressy but tasteful shoes. When Madea has to speak, an optical effect is used to make it appear that the mouth is moving. Reports are that a human voice is used to dub the speech itself. This would be necessary as everyone knows that giraffes cannot speak, and they especially cannot speak “sassy.” The wig, of course, covers what would be giveaway bumps and tiny ears.
It should also be noted that the producers could not use the very same giraffe calf through all of the Madea movies (nine of them to date, besides the occasional appearances on several television shows), and even within the same movie, if the viewer is particularly perceptive, it appears that there are several giraffe calf stand-ins, as giraffe calves are union-required to complete a certain number of giraffe school hours, and under a certain age can only work a limited number of hours a day.
Working with male giraffe calves has its challenges, to be sure. “There’s a lot of slapstick involved,” explained co-producer Ozzie Areu. “But we want to assure our audiences that no male giraffe calves are harmed in the making of any of the Madea movies.” Mr. Areu saved his biggest surprise for last: “In fact, we are thinking about working with an adult giraffe, but as you know, they can be almost 18 feet tall, and although we do think Madea is a larger-than-life character, we wouldn’t want to strain the audience’s credulity on this point. We are definitely trying to keep it real. Who knows, you might just see an 18 foot Madea one of these days!”
Whatever the producer’s decision, Tyler Perry’s Madea will continue to slap, tickle, guffaw, and delight audiences everywhere, whether as a 6’5″ male giraffe calf or even, potentially, as a full grown 18 foot adult giraffe.