It is common knowledge by now that numbers mean everything, and God doesn’t make things a certain number on accident. And so it should come as no surprise that our Founding Fathers were God-fearing carriers of divine truth. The Bill of Rights equals the Ten Commandments. Ten Commandments, ten Amendments in the Bill of Rights. Clear-cut, plain as the finger in your nose.
Here is something more remarkable, but lesser known. Just as the Ten Commandments were the model used by the Founding Fathers for the Bill of Rights, so also were the Ten Plagues tossed like a bad salad upon Egypt by the Lord. Absolute proof of this is easy enough: the Bill of Rights is both a shield from those who would want to take from me what’s rightfully mine, and also a sword against those who might like to fight me for it. This is because the Bill of Rights puts into the hands of every God-fearing American, every man woman and child, the divine symbol of authority: the firearm. Guns for all Americans are indeed from God. After all, the firearm and its owner together form the ultimate Tool of Liberty. And that Liberty is from God, it says so in the Constitution.
For the sake of space we will only devote our attention to the most important right, the 2nd amendment right to bear arms. This means not only to have the right, but to use it every living chance we get. There really is no opt-out on this one. Either you are for guns and God, or, you are against guns, and hence against God. If we were all to follow the 2nd commandment and the 2nd amendment to the letter, crime would be reduced to zero. We can wipe out all of the lawbreakers ourselves without waiting for someone else to step in.
The second commandment is not to make for ourselves, or to worship a graven image, in the likeness of anything creepy, fluttery, or otherwise hippety-hoppity. This fits in perfectly with the second plague, that of Frogs. It does not refer to the American Idols, because pop singers aren’t animals. Yet.
God sent Frogs to Egypt to force Pharaoh to release the Israelites. There are many ways Frogs are like guns: 1) the more there are the better likelihood of success; 2) they both make noise when you use them; 3) both frogs and guns can be concealed if necessary; 4) neither will work right if you submerge them in water for long. God could have sent guns instead of Frogs, but then Moses and Aaron and the rest would have had to complete a 5 day Close Quarters Battle Course as recommended by the NRA in order to complete their mission successfully. God didn’t have this kind of time.
It’s obvious what you’re thinking: the Frogs did not work. It took 8 more plagues, none of which were Guns to get the Israelites out. But that’s simply because Frogs are not Guns. That is why the second commandment says, Forget about worshipping the Frogs, they are not an effective deterrent after all, but Guns are. That is why God inspired the latter day Moseses, in the persons of the Founding Fathers, to write the second amendment. Think of it as a set of instructions with three easy steps: 1) Look at the Frog; 2) Don’t worship the Frog, because a Gun is better; 3) Everyone must have a Gun. If we want to please God, we need to adhere closely to these instructions. Do not worship Frogs, they are not as good as Guns. There is no prohibition on the worship of the Gun, because it doesn’t really look like an animal, and every gun isn’t God. The people must bear arms and carry guns. People means everybody, not just grown men. It probably also should include primates, maybe even pandas, koala bears and opossums because they all have opposable thumbs, but that is a topic for another day. If they can shoot it they should have it!